I'm sorry, mother,
that I couldn't find for you
everything you looked for
and everything you didn't
know to seek.
I'm sorry
that I had to go
to save myself
and that I didn't know how
or how to save you too.
I wish
that I could hold you
the way you did the day you met me
after hours of painful work
pushing me into a world outside of you
when you wanted to hold me safe
in the dark where I wanted to stay.
somehow, after all these years,
after the months I spent
inside of your body,
I still don't know you.
You were always on the edge of out of reach.
and still, when we talk,
only the first few minutes make sense.
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