just more dead cats

The cat might be dead in this box
labeled: "Knowing. Grow
faster than you can fall apart
and be alive!"
I keep opening myself and peeking
for a breakthrough.

Half alive is a ridiculous idea-
undead and science-fiction.
Cute and fluffy and hopeful.
But we know the laws of science, laws of physics
dictate
just more dead cats.

Beyond that equilibrium
no amount of looking can change
the familiar poison that keeps
bitterring
curiosity.
In every discovery, mortality keener.

But it never kills the thirst
to open and find and look.
Every time I thrash my soul
'be new!'
against the concept of decay
something breaks off like a yellow leaf and drops.

I want to change everything except you.
You wanna change everything we 
know or knew-
including each other.
And then you changed that about me.
Another thing that we change together.
You'll never lose me 'cuz
I'd never lose you forever.
nothing you never knew before
was
something you don't need to discover

when you don't try to change each other at all
the changes are so small
they dissipate
they fill the empty space-
they go so far
who knows if they'll hit anything at all
all those changes
could have been my chromosomes
you made change for you

I think life is an argument where you can't pick sides

I think the ultimate act of parenting
is teaching
instead of watching
doting
protecting

and love is nurturing not creating

I think maybe

I think maybe
the ultimate act of love is combining to make a thing
like both of us

different from anything that ever was
to watch the ways we are both like everything else

to watch the things we watch
change the things we made
watch them
create and destroy things that are made of the things we are made of

things we made

the winner writes history

good always wins 

in the end good is a title

the dead get if they had more cheers in the fight

than what killed them

the problem is that sometimes 

recognition 

fuels a response that's noisy

or big enough to look like

agreement

and sometimes agreement is when we nod because we just don't really

understand what's being said 

by anyone

and want to go on to the grocery store

or home

or to the gym

whatever we've been doing

So we let someone else write the stories and 

just laugh

or cry

or jump

or shout

or all of those things